Triggers - Carmen Baca

poem read by Timothy Arliss OBrien

Triggers
Carmen Baca

On Twitter, someone tweets how a man’s 

Comment about her “nice dress” bothered her.

My memories explode with so many times growing up

When someone’s words sliced into my fragile self-esteem. 

Or took some other precious facet from me with no regard.

Those afternoons when horseplay with boys turned ugly

With actions, words, or looks evoking an unfamiliar fear.

Something warned me to get away and sometimes I did.

Therapy brought back images of me as early as age four

Powerless to avoid the touch of a much older cousin. 

Too naive when my college teacher asked me for help

Carrying supplies from the closet but cornered me

Instead, in the dark swooping down, a predatory attack.

I gave up an art degree and lost my love of the craft,

Trading for peace of mind and never seeing him again.

What had I done, at age four, 

And later at seventeen 

That invited their attention,

That signaled I deserved such treatment 

from the elders of my childhood?

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