Standing Out - Nicholas Yandell

poem read by Nicholas Yandell

Standing Out
Nicholas Yandell

All queer people in my family stand out,

but we've gone through a period of hiding.

Some embraced their identity quite quickly,

throwing themselves into the world,

saying: "Hey everyone! This is Me!”

Then there are those more selective,

freeing their truths

to selected people,

in selected places,

straddling the selected line

of how they choose to be seen.

Others I don't know for sure,

may never know,

and not wanting to commit to hearsay,

may always dwell in the realm of speculation.

My own route was a long and painful one.

A suicide attempt,

years of ex-gay therapy,

the guilt,

the shame,

and loneliness,

before breaking out

a cathartic resolution.

I understand why it seems so much easier to stay quiet,

but even silence won't stop one from being known,

when there’s never an option to fully conform.

Unusual fruits will remain

increasingly jarring to eyes

adjusted to limited vision.

Those hiding in branches

of familial expectations,

while we’re jutting out,

away from the shade,

stretching past the foliage of preservation.

Basking in the warmth exposed

on limbs of our own creation.

Signaling to our right,

nodding to our left,

Smiling at oddballs

whose colors abound.

Taking joy

in our little crowd

of those connected

through standing out.